“The limits of my language means the limits of my world.”
― Ludwig Wittgenstein

I’m en route to the South of France, and all I can think about is my journey through the world of learning a new language.

I must admit that I feel a little silly writing about being bilingual, since I’ve yet to master anything but English (and sometimes, that’s even questionable). However, about six years ago, I was sitting in a restaurant at the port in Monte Carlo with a table full of multilingual people.  French, Italian, German, Russian and, of course, English, was floating around the table in this beautiful symphony.

Because I don’t like to feel excluded, especially when it’s due to lack of savoir faire, I decided in that moment that I would at least attempt to become bilingual.

Enter la français.

For the past six years, I have been immersing myself in the French culture and language.  And while I can navigate the streets of Paris and ask for les toilettes and a bouteille de vin (what more does a girl need to know?), I am far from fluent.  However, if you’re interested in learning a new language, it is my pleasure to offer you some of the ways I continue to strive towards becoming a bilingual woman.

First,  choose your language.  What cultures inspire you?  What sound makes your heart melt?  Don’t worry about practicality.  Aim for passion.  Once you’ve chosen your language, proceed to the following suggestions.

1.  Listen to music.  George Brassens, Madeleine Peyroux and Zaz are just some of the artists that infuse my home on a daily basis.  I don’t always understand the lyrics, but something’s happening at a cellular level. I can feel it. Or, at least that’s what I keep telling myself as I dance around sipping my cafe. 

2.  Learn the basics.  Vocabulary.  Grammar.  Verbs.  Don’t worry about putting it all together just yet.  Just learn what you can and one day the ingredients will meld and you’ll be speaking a new language.

3.  The 10 Rule:  10 Minutes Listening/10 Minutes Speaking/10 Minutes Writing/10 words a day.  Each day, I choose 10 flashcards.  I study them.  Use them.  Say them.  Write them. At the end of the day, I am 10 words smarter.

4.  Watch movies with subtitles.  Sure, the subtitles are distracting, but you’ll begin to understand how your new language works.  Plus, you’ll understand a little more about the culture of the language through story telling. Plus, foreign films are nothing like Hollywood, a reason alone to watch more of them.  Some of my favorite French movies are: Amélie, The Artist, and The Intouchables.  

5.  Make friends.  My French friends have taught me more about the language than I could have possibly learned from French for Dummies.  There’s nothing quite like immediate correction and learning a little slang that your college professor refused to teach you.

6.  Hire a tutor.  Each week, I show up at my tutor’s office, books in hand, homework completed and ready to dive into another lesson.  Having a teacher who understands how your mind works and how it needs to work to master the language is invaluable.

7.  Think in your new language. Even if you just know a few words, whenever you see that thing (noun) or take that action (verb), think of it in your new language.  For example, when I see my dog, I no longer think dog.  I think le chien.  Whenever I drink, I don’t think “I am drinking,” I think, “Je bois.”

8.  Speak as often as you can.  I’m sure my daughter is tired of her maman asking her questions that she doesn’t understand or telling her je t’aime.  But, maybe one day she’ll see that her being my sounding board was critical to my success in becoming a bilingual woman.

9.  Go beyond the language.  Enjoy the food, history, fashion, food and wine and art of the culture of where your new language originates.  You can begin to understand the language by appreciating its culture.

10.  Read books. I started with Le Petit Prince and now I’m pretending to read Madame Bovary.  Even though I understand about every third or fourth word, something’s happening.  I swear.

11.  Use a pen and paper - send a love note, create your grocery list, write a poem – in your new language.  Involving as much of your brain as possible in this new quest will prove to speed up the process.

12.  Go to School.  Four years ago, I packed my bags and headed off to a two week immersion program at the Coeur de France in Sancerre, about 2 hours south of France.  Total immersion was evidenced by no English being spoken from the time I was picked up from the train station until the time I returned home.  It’s never too late to go back to school.  And, if French food and wine’s involved, all the better!

13.  Immerse yourself.  Buy a ticket, pack your bags and step off the plane and immerse yourself in the language and culture.  Sure, you’ll feel lost.  Yet, there’s nothing like needing something and being forced to communicate to help you step outside of your comfort zone.  And, don’t be alarmed when you develop that deer in headlights look when someone speaks to you. It’s normal.  You’re okay.  Just remember that kindness and a smile is a universal language.

Who wants to join me in becoming a bilingual woman?  I’d love to hear what language you’re passionate about learning and why.  If you’re already bilingual, please share your tips to help us fellow friends who have a deep desire to expand our language repertoire in the comments below.

Bonne Chance,

Tonya (a struggling French speaker)

(P.S.  Whether it’s learning a new language, starting a business or finding love, it’s all about desire. I have one more spot left for my upcoming French Kiss Life Immersion, a 3-month mentorship program starting in August.  This is for the woman who’s ready to ignite her desires . . . in style, of course!  If you’re interested, go here, fill out the application and let’s plan some time to chat.)

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If the French know how to do anything, it’s how to have a hot love affair with life. (Sure,I’m sure they have other hot affairs too!). You’ll find them leisurely sitting by the ocean having a picnic, embracing each other in a passionate kiss, sauntering down the street taking their precious time or engaging in a passionate discussion about why French wines are the best in the world.

For the French, the human experience is more about being than doing. For a girl that comes from across the Atlantic and is constantly being bombarded with messages that encourages us to go bigger, harder, stronger, I’ll admit that this mindset is a refreshing reprieve.

Spending the past two weeks in the South of France with my daughter and friends, I’ve been closely watching (and actively participating…ooh-la-la) in the lifestyle of the French culture, and I must admit that I am more excited than ever to return home and more deeply integrate the French lifestyle into my current one.

Here are 9 ways that we can all French-ify our lives:

Ease Into Your Day

Walk by a French cafe, and you won’t see people’s heads buried in their laptop or smart phones. Instead, you’ll see them sipping on café de crème, savoring a croissant and reading the paper or a good book. The French ease into their day, not skyrocket from their bed in a hurried frenzy.

Challenge: choose one morning that you set aside time to ease into your day – visit a coffee shop, luxuriate in a bath, curl up with a good book, meditate, anything that feels slow and intentional.

When I saw a couple wrapped together like two snakes on the beach at Cap d’Antibes, I realized that this type of PDA is not often found in our puritanical culture. We like to say, take it to the bedroom.

Yet, there is a sensuality that runs through the veins of French people, and they are not afraid to openly display it to whomever may be passing by. Some people may be offended, but why? What’s wrong with kissing or curling up in a tight ball with your lover on the beach? If you have a problem with this, it’s probably more about you and the beliefs you were raised with than two people exhibiting their adoration and love (or lust) for one another.

Challenge: hold hands, hug and/or kiss (you scandal, you!) someone you love in public.

The French seem to have their cake and eat it too. Yes, I’m talking about those slim physiques and rich foods co-existing in a pleasurable way of eating. Are they just genetically gifted? Mais non! They have just learned the art of dining, which includes moderation, fresh foods and no guilt.

Pass the le chocolat, s’il vous plait!

Challenge: practice the 3 bite rule with an indulgent food that you love but think you shouldn’t have. Slowly savor and enjoy each morsel. Remember, everything in moderation and guilt is not allowed.

When I book a trip to France, I make sure that it includes a Sunday. Why? Well, it’s like showing up for a French holiday, except it happens every weekend. Most stores are closed and restaurants are open, forcing you to focus on the truly important things in life – family, friends and food. It’s a day of doing nothing, except what you truly want to do.

With the American focus on productivity and over scheduled lives, I think it’s time we all create our own French Sunday. What do you think?

Challenge: Virginia Wolfe spoke about A Room of One’s Own. I want you to think about “A Day of One’s Own” that you set aside each week to slow down and enjoy your life. On this day, do what you love, whether it’s painting or sitting in a hammock reading Shakespeare. On this day, anything goes, except checking off your to-do list.  That can wait until Monday!

A Parisian style expert once told me, “Lingerie is important because it’s the first thing you put on in the morning and the last thing you take off at night. It sets the tone for your entire day.” Upon a visit to France, you’ll realize the emphasis that is placed on a woman’s intimates based on the number of lingerie shops that can be found in a city block.

While, most likely, not everyone will see it, you know what’s underneath those clothes of yours.  And, if everything is energy (and it is), then your underpinnings are impacting you whether you realize it or not.

During the French Kiss the World Society New York retreat, we visited a lingerie store for a proper bra fitting, and it was a delight to see the joy on each woman’s face with her boobies all wrapped in luxurious materials. Say what you will, it matters. Go try it for yourself!

Challenge: invest in a great lingerie set and notice how you walk a little taller and saucier. You are worth the investment.

The fashion in France (especially Paris and the South of France) is a 24-7 runway show. It’s very obvious that the women and men here put a lot of thought and effort into how they present themselves to the world. It’s their form of self-expression and a part of their culture to look tres chic. Throwing on a pair of sweats and parading around the Promenade des Anglais simply does not even cross their mind as an option.

So, why does your dress matter? Well, I know when I’m having a rough day, a shower, a great outfit and a little lipstick will pick up my spirits, and before you know it, I’m out of my head and back in the game.

Also, please realize that dressing your best doesn’t need to cost a fortune. However, it does need to represent who you are as a woman.

Challenge: for the next week, consciously put thought into your wardrobe and commit to looking your best each day.

While lying on the beaches of Nice, I saw women of every body shape, size and color, and what I noticed was women owning their bodies. They weren’t trying to cover up their perceived flaws or hide underneath a beach towel. In fact, some of them were practically bearing it all.

Nothing good comes from hiding or feeling shame around your body. Trust me, I know. I tried that approach for years. The toxic cycle will continue until you step out and own your body, every part of it. And, then a strange thing begins to happen. You birth a confidence. You begin to see the beauty in who you are, as is. And, a woman who is comfortable in her own skin is the most sexy of all!

Challenge: if you are a woman who tends to hide your body, just notice why. And, what do you gain from this behavior? Does it feel empowering and thrilling or defeating and draining? You may think you need to change your body before you begin to reveal it, but I challenge you that you have it backwards. A woman who loves herself doesn’t hide; she radiates.

The common myth is that French people don’t exercise, and it’s true that you won’t find.  Yet, it’s not true. The French do exercise, but it’s not planned bursts of activity.  Instead, it’s just a part of their lifestyle. They walk . . . a lot, take the stairs, play games, swim, dance and have a lot of sex (that counts, doesn’t it?). Movement is just a way of life, not something they drive to the gym for.

Challenge: explore ways to add more movement to your day. Perhaps a walk at lunch, taking the stairs, dancing or planning a game of volleyball or tennis on the weekend. Moving our bodies shouldn’t be a chore but a gift that we appreciate and indulge in daily.

Why do the French seem to have more time to enjoy life? It’s because they haven’t inundated themselves with massive debt, too much stuff and booked calendars. The more simple your life, the richer it becomes.

One of my greatest takeaways from my time in France is that I desire to simplify my life down to only those things that I treasure most, and what I’ve discovered is that it’s the simple things paired with the relationships with people that I love and that feed my soul.

Challenge: This is my “3 things” challenge to do each week – remove 3 things from your environment that you don’t love, say “no” to 3 things you don’t want to do and do not buy 3 things that you really don’t need. Begin to clear your calendar of empty obligations, decrease spending and clear clutter. (P.S. I started this today by walking away from a fabulous pair of Tom Ford sunglasses. It was hard, but I gained a sense of pride by saying “no”!)

Of course, it’s easier said than done – this whole French-ify’ing life. I’ve learned that the French have a very different mindset around life, which makes it easier for them to relax and slow down. You, on the other hand, may have a lot of fear around what might happen if you take a little time out to focus on you and your soul’s desires.

When you’re caught up in the rat race, the hardest step is committing to getting out of the race and focusing on what brings you true joy. If you are craving a life of ease and elegance, I have one more spot available for my French Kiss Life Immersion program where I will be mentoring a very small group of women into stepping into the French Kiss Life-style. Go here and check it out. It’s intimate and intense, just how I like life! If it sounds like a great fit, fill out the application, and let’s chat! We start in less than 2 weeks.

Cheers,

Tonya

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In The French Kiss the World Society, we talk about manifesting our desires . . . a lot! (We also talk about men, lingerie, perfume and Paris . . . all topics are welcomed in our private salon).

And, the moment a woman declares her desire, it’s almost inevitable that she begins to obsess over the “how” of it all.

I watch her as she goes galloping off into the vast, chaotic territory of her la tete trying to map it all out.

Seems like a great plan, doesn’t it?

But, more often than not, she comes back bewildered, because she doesn’t know all the details.  She just know what she wants.  I reassure her that a desire paired with fervent faith and patience is all she needs.  And, she relaxes a bit. Then, I send her off to sit at a cafe and read her favorite book.

We’ve been taught to set our SMART goals and then map out every little move between here and there.

But, it rarely works that way. Most of the time, you end up frustrated and confused, because you don’t have all the detailed steps. Or, you miss a great opportunity because it wasn’t on your plan.  Plus, you’re working off assumptions of how things should be, not how they can be.

When I work with women, we take a different approach:

1. Live the essence of your desires NOW!
2. Take one inspired action step at a time.
3. Follow what feels good!

Seems pretty simple, doesn’t it?

Yet, when I initially suggest this to women, they panic because . . . Dear Lord, they must give up control (which is just a crazy illusion in their mind anyway, but they hang onto it like a lifeline).

But, I will tell you that this is how I’ve created everything (that’s meant something) in my life up til this point. And, I’m not going to stop this method now.

To illustrate this approach, I want to share a story of one of the members of my French Kiss the World Society (perhaps, one of the best manifesting stories I’ve ever heard of).

So, let’s imagine that you desire an adventure. In your mind, you see yourself on a private jet heading to an exotic location where you will be wined and dined for three days.

If you tried to figure out the how, where would your mind go?

First, unless your sugar daddy has a Lear parked in his hanger, you’d probably feel like this was impossible, at least for a very long time.  There you are defeated, before you even take a step.  Now, you’re back on the sofa feeling hopeless.

Then, you’d probably think that you must work really, really hard to become the next Richard Branson so that you’d could afford such an adventure, right?

Perhaps, you’d imagine yourself meeting Mr. Heir to a Saudi fortune, but that could take some time too!

But, what if you did what my client did and just followed her intuition and desire?

I’m not going to ruin the story for you. I want you to read what she wrote in our private FB salon after declaring her desire for an adventure last weekend.

(Note: all names and locations have been changed to protect her secret garden).

Hey Ladies! I’m baaaaccckkk!

I have been so inspired by the transformations that all of you are going through. And, after reading the post that Tonya wrote about our “inner bad girl”. I decided I wanted to join the party. In my way.

I wanted to unleash my “inner bad girl”.

Sunday morning I woke up early, threw a few things in a backpack, grabbed my last $20, dropped my dog off with a friend and headed out for an adventure.

I was open to whatever was to come my way.

I was inspired to drive to the airport. The private hanger for jets. So I did.

The voices in my head ranted at full volume (you know the ones: what are you thinking, this is insane, people will think you are crazy, etc.). I went anyway. Just to see.

I parked and went inside. I asked the employees what was going on, who was going where. It was pretty quiet.

Just as I sat down, a plane rolled up and 3 women came in – one (Holly) was racing for the bathroom shouting that she couldn’t pee on the plane. Hilarious.

I struck up a conversation with the other two ladies. They were heading south to celebrate the wedding of one (Carson) and the divorce of the other (Mary). A girls’ week.

They were waiting on a coconut cake to be delivered from the Parrot Grill (a famous cake from a famous restaurant here in the city). Yes, it was a bathroom break in high flying style.



I told them I had my bag packed and $20 and was looking for an adventure. Next thing I know they invite me along. On the private jet. To an exotic private island. For fun. Damn. Of course I said HELL YES!! And yes, the passport was one of the few things I had packed.

On the plane (a lovely 10 seat Lear) we were served champagne along with huge slices of the coconut cake by the flight attendant (yes, this plane had it’s own flight attendant, crystal and china and silver) and Mary laid out the “rules” for the week: use the “girlfriend names” only at all times, flirt shamelessly with everyone, and no boys at the house. Easy enough.

They did not tell me their full names or where they were from, just the Northeast.

 (And, I still don’t know who these women are, other than their party names.).

We land an hour and a half later, clear customs and pile into a rickety beater of a van taxi and head for the marina. There, we were met by the captain (Tom – sooo cute!) of Mary’s boat (probably about a 60 foot yacht). We were welcomed aboard.

We changed into bikinis (I borrowed one) as the boat set out to an island that is known for their Sunday pig roast and naked people. We flirted shamelessly with everyone. We played topless on the swing over the pool. To top it off, our drinks and lunch were paid for by some guys. Awesome!

Mid-afternoon the boat took us to the place we stayed – a huge house on a private island. Wow.

The weekend was filled with shelling, snorkeling, diving and fine wining and dining. I even came face to face with a shark.

I cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard. At nothing. And just truly enjoyed the company of those I was with – no drama, no expectations, no guilt.

I mentioned that I needed to go home. So, Mary said she’d call Joe (her pilot) and he’d drop me off in the morning. Like, you know, I live around the corner or something. The following morning, Tom, the captain, dropped me off early at the main marina. And, Joe, my personal pilot, was at the airport waiting with the jet. And a yummy breakfast waiting my arrival. Unbelievable!

He flew me home.

Crazy. I had asked for an adventure, and what I received was more than I could have imagined on my own.

I felt alive. And I just leaned in and trusted.

Oh, and the best part? I still have the $20 I left home with. Lol! Where might I go next?

That’s what I’ve been up to for the past few days. An adventure.

The Universe showing me it’s got my back.

I’m living my life instead of wallowing in the drama of it.

And, as Tonya says, I chose the better feeling feeling. And it feels good! I am still jumping up and down thinking OMG MY LIFE IS AMAZING!!!

Ladies, I challenge you to let your bad girl come out and play. Where might she take you?

So, ladies, are you getting bogged down in the “how” of your desire?

Are you ready to create your own adventure?

What would it feel like to let go and surrender to something so much bigger than yourself?

Here’s your assignment for the comment section below:

1.  State your Desire

2. List how you can experience the essence of it NOW.

3.  Define one small, inspired action step in that direction (such as driving to the private airport;)!

4.  Let go and surrender.  (Go have a cup of tea or something else you enjoy).

xoxo,

Tonya

(P.S. A follow up to the weekend adventure:  my client was called while indulging in an almond croissant and latte and offered a $10,000 consulting job.  Her desire?  To manifest $21,000 in 21 days.  Well, she’s well on her way.  That’s what happens when you let go and surrender and stop making life so hard!).

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One cannot think of Paris and fashion and not think of Coco Chanel- an icon who changed the world of fashion (and came up with the idea of “the little black dress”).

Chanel redefined womanhood in the 20th century, and through her building of a fashion empire, we can all learn lessons on style and savoir-faire.

Be a Heroine

“If you were born without wings, do nothing to prevent them from growing.”

Chanel wasn’t born into money or from a mother who wore luxurious suits. Instead, she was orphaned at the age of six when her mother died and her father abandoned her.

Before changing the face of fashion, she worked as a simple seamstress and cabaret performer.  Talk about humble beginnings!

Chanel had every reason to play victim; instead, she refused to be a prisoner of her past. She chose to be a heroine, instead.

Lesson: How do you allow your past to define you? Where are you playing victim? Realize you get to write your own story (and you can even give yourself a different name and make yourself 10 years younger, as Chanel did).

Keep it Simple

“Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance.”

When it came to design, she aimed for a simple, comfortable and feminine aesthetic – the tailored jacket and little black dress as two great examples. Nothing ornate. Simple.

Chanel said, “I get rid of every­thing I can, every thing that is not use­ful. Until I reach simplicity…”

Often, we make the mistake of trying to add more to our lives in order to create happiness.  Chanel teaches us that a beautiful life is more about what you subtract than add.  <tweet it>

Lesson: From design to writing to how you live your life, what if you got rid of everything that didn’t align with who you desired to be? That’s simplicity!

Be Unique

“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.”

When the Duke of Westminster asked for her hand in marriage, she turned him down, saying “There have been many Duchesses of Westminster. There is only one Chanel.” (Bravo Chanel!)

Had Chanel chosen to conform to the societal rules of the 20th century, she would have remained unknown and Chanel No. 5 would not exist (quelle tragique). Instead, Chanel believed, “in order to be irre­place­able one must always be dif­fer­ent. Peo­ple laughed at the way I dressed, but that was the secret of my suc­cess: I didn’t look like any­one.”

She didn’t try to avoid judgement like the plague, please the masses or be the good girl. She owned who she was, without apology.

Lesson: How are you not showing up as 100% you? What is your fear around judgement? Digging into these questions will help you excavate the authentic, beautiful YOU!

Live Life on Your Terms

“My life didn’t please me, so I created my life.”

In an era when women wore skirts with bustles and hats with plumes, the rebellious Chanel rejected a lot of the feminine style of her time. In fact, she was the first woman to wear trousers in public.

All of the styles that have made her a revered icon – the classic black and white palette, menswear-inspired design and the little black dress – are what made Chanel a rebel during the 1920s and 30s.

Persistence, tenacity and pure grit displayed Chanel’s commitment to living life on her terms.  While it’s easy to follow the conventional path, I applaud Chanel for ignoring the nay-sayers and critics.  She once said, “I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t think about you at all.”  Instead, Chanel focused on her vision and formed her entire life around it.

Lesson: What does your soul desire to rebel against? What are you dying to create? Give yourself permission (as Coco did) to chart your own path, design your own life. As an old African adage goes, “You can never fetch the ripest fruit in the bush by following a charted path.”

Change Your Hair

Chanel believed in the reinvention of a woman through style.  And, what a bold, fabulous way to shake things and change the trajectory of your mind, style and life than through a new hair style?  In working with thousands of women, I’ve witnessed this phenomena over and over.  When a woman gets a new hair style, watch out.  She’s up to something fabulous.

Lesson:  Have you had the same haircut for years?   Is there a part of you that’s dying to try something different. Perhaps, even a new color?  Do it!

Always Look Your Best

“I don’t do fashion, I AM fashion.”

Chanel used fashion as a way of self-expression – stating who you are through fabric, design and confidence.  She said, “I don’t understand how a woman can leave the house without fixing herself up a little – if only out of politeness. And then, you never know, maybe that’s the day she has a date with destiny. And it’s best to be as pretty as possible for destiny.”

In Chanel’s world, if a woman was too busy to look her best, her life was running her, not the other way around.  Chanel was a hard-working woman who ran an empire, and yet, in every picture I’ve ever seen, she always looked elegant.  She took the time to always present her best self to the world, because she was a planner of her destiny!

Lesson: Do you sometimes use the the excuse, “I’m too busy” to avoid looking your best?  Invest in the effort to present yourself to world as the woman you desire to be.  Make the world your runway.

Have a Little Black Dress

“Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman.”

We can thank Coco for making the little black dress (aka LBD) a world-wide necessity in every woman’s closet. Chanel published a simple, short black dress in Vogue in 1926. It was referred to as “Chanel’s Ford,” because it was accessible to women of all social classes, like the Model T.

Elegant, chic and versatile, Vogue claimed that the LBD was “a sort of uniform for all women of taste.” And, it continues to be to this day. Merci Chanel!

Lesson: Do you have a little black dress hanging in your closet that you love? If not, you may want to consider making it your next wardrobe investment.

Here are some little black dress looks I love:

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Other Black Dresses I Love

For Evening Elegance:

Adrianna Pappel: Illusion Yoke Pleated Dress

For Chic Days:

Elizabeth and James: ‘Bardot’ Keyhole Dress

For Glitter Nights:

Vivienne Westwood: Sihu Dress

For Anytime:

T by Alexander Wang: Gathered Jersey Dress

Books About Coco Chanel

The Gospel According to Coco Chanel: Life Lessons from the World’s Most Elegant Woman

Chanel and Her World

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Are you ready to channel your Inner Coco?

I’d love to hear your thoughts below!

To Being Classy and Fabulous,

Tonya

Photo Credits:  (1)(2)(3)(4)(5)(6)(7)

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Mention the word ‘jetsetter’and you probably think of someone who jumps on her private jet and takes off to exotic locations around the world on a whim in the pursuit of pleasure.

Well, that’s not me exactly!  I don’t have a private jet.  I’m usually flying coach.  I have a budget.  And, I must plan my trips (make sure there is money in the bank, someone to care for my daughter if she’s not traveling with me and my calendar is cleared).

Yet, over the past seven years, I’ve spent a lot of time in trains, planes and automobiles in pursuit of pleasure and adventure.  During those times, I’ve taken note of the people who seem like travel novices and those who have their act together.
Travel, like anything, is a process of mastery – knowing what to pack, what to leave behind and how to navigate the complexities of adventure. I’m no master yet!  But, I’ve learned some simple rules on how to travel like a jet setter.

Rule #1:  Invest in Good Luggage

I cannot preach this one enough.  I used to travel with cheap luggage, because I didn’t see the value in investing in a piece of luxury luggage (I’d rather buy a handbag!). However, when I saw a very chic woman in Paris rolling this piece of luggage through Charles du Gualle, I had second thoughts.  I finally bit the bullet and bought one, and I couldn’t believe I had waited so long.  It makes traveling SO much easier – it’s super light (so you have more weight to spare for things you actually pack) and it rolls through airports and down streets almost on its on (so you’re not looking like a goofball trying to muscle your way through travel). Trust me on this one! You’ll thank me later.

Rule #2:  Pack 3 Days Before Your Trip

It’s hard to be organized and put thought into your packing when you’re throwing things in a bag last minute.  Commit to always packing three days before your trip, unless you just got a call that a private jet is waiting to whisk you off to Bali.  In that case, grab some necessities and GO!

Rule #3:  Downsize Your Must-Haves

Clear travel containers are a must for things like shampoo, conditioner, body lotion and cleansers.  Here are some great ones.  For products you can’t put into bottles, get the mini-versions (toothpaste, hairsprays, etc.).  Use that extra space for a great pair of shoes!

Rule #4:  Pack on the Lighter Side

Unless you want to look like a Real Housewife from Beverly Hills in the airport (and you have a travel butler to carry all your bags) or pay a whopping fee for overweight luggage, you will be better off traveling with less than more.  This has taken me years to learn, but once you get it, travel will never be the same.  Pack great basics in a neutral palette (blacks, greys and whites) and use your accessories for pops of color.

Rule #5:  Dress like a True Jetsetter

Nothing fascinates me more than to see people look as if they just rolled out of bed and went straight to the airport in their pajamas (or even worse, a onesie).  I’m all for comfort when traveling, but you can also travel in style.  Opt for loose fitting clothing (not sweats) with breathable fabrics and comfy flats or boots (think easy on and off for security line purposes).  Invest in travel socks.  Walking through security barefooted is not chic. My favorite travel outfit is my pair of boyfriend jeans (loose and comfy), loose top, big sweater, scarf and comfy flats.

Rule #6:  Lounge in the Lounge

If you have a layover more than a couple of hours, it’s worth the day pass investment of $30-40 to enjoy a club lounge that affords you quiet, space and complimentary drinks and snacks (although, don’t go overboard on the snacks just because they’re free).

Rule #7:  Pack a Small Cooler

When traveling with a friend, she pulled out a small cooler filled with delicious snacks (hummus, veggies, nuts, cheeses).  We had a feast in coach.  And, we avoided the airline food that usually results in bloating, breakouts and an upset tummy.  I have since adopted her small cooler idea and make sure I am always prepared to eat like a Queen in coach.  It’s also great because you never know what perishable treats you want to bring back with you.  I love this one  . . . tres chic!

Rule #8:  Prepare to Arrive Well-Rested  (or at least look like it)

Flying, especially for long flights, can wreak havoc on your body and skin. It’s important to drink plenty of water while in-flight.  I also love to spritz my face with Evian Spray several times while in the air. Packing a small (flight-approved) makeup bag filled with my essentials – lip moisturizer, facial towelettes, foundation and mascara – allows me an opportunity to look fresh when I get off the plane.  I also boost my immune system with Emergen-C during flight, because, Lord knows what kinds of germs are floating around that big metal tube.

Rule #9:  Get Zen

I’m not too proud to admit that I am a baby when it comes to turbulence – grabbing the strangers beside me and saying my last prayers.  I have found that putting on my Beats and playing some great chill music is a great way to calm my inner lizard that is convinced I’m going to die.

Rule #10:  Accessorize Well

When flying, I always pack a big scarf to wrap around my head (I prefer that no one sees me drooling in public) and a pair of sunglasses to wear as I’m trying to wake up from my in-flight siesta.

Rule #11:  Hire a Driver

This is one of those little luxuries that I find well worth the money.  I don’t like standing in taxi lines after I’ve flown for 6 or more hours.  It’s nice to have a friendly driver awaiting your arrival when you’ve gathered your luggage and are ready to start your jet-setting adventure.  Uber is a great choice too!  In fact, I am in love with this company. Download the app and have a car and driver to you within minutes in many major cities in the world.

Rule #12:  Check your Attitude

Traveling like a jetsetter is more about attitude than anything.  If you are constantly worried, feeling insecure or angry, none of the previous suggestions will help.  Confidence, a sense of adventure and joie de vivre is key to the jetsetter’s lifestyle!

Well, I’m off to take some of my own advice and pack for the French Kiss the World Society Celebration Retreat in Paris.  I am crazy excited to spend time with them in my favorite city.  And, wow . . . do we have some great things planned!

And, please share:  what are some of your savvy travel tricks that make you feel like a jetsetter?

Cheers to Travel & Adventure,

Tonya

Photo Credits: (1)(2)(3)(4)

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I’ve spend the last eight or so years bringing the essence of French living into my home.  More notably, the French femme.  

Honestly, being a Francophile has created a neurosis, of sort.  I cringe when I see poor wine service (especially terrible glasses).  My heart breaks when I hear women talking about their non-stop to-do lists or verbally ripping apart their own bodies.  And, I cannot even explain how I feel when I see people parading around the concourse of the airport in sweats and eating on the go.

When it comes to style, elegance and joie de vivre, the French woman has a clear advantage, thanks to traditions and mindsets established way before you and I were even thought of.  I personally enjoy their savoir-vivre, finding it very refreshing to see feminine women who value the quality of life over quantity.

Unleashing your inner Frenchie may be exactly what you need to add more joie de vivre to your life.

Be More Practical
When you think of a French woman, you probably have images of seduction, chic style and lots of pomp and circumstance.  The truth is that our French sisters are very practical.  Their closets are not full of clothes with the price tags still intact.  They stick to a daily schedule (le planning) that gives them peace of mind.  And, they have a daily regimen that adds order to their lives, which leads me to the next point.

Eat 3 Meals a Day
Tell a French woman that she needs to eat 6 small meals a day to keep her metabolism burning like a hot furnace, and she’ll look at you like you just told her that bread is bad.  In a land where the majority of people are slim, there is a tradition of enjoying 3 meals a day with absolute pleasure.  And le snacking?  Absolutement pas!  Unless it’s around 4 PM when a little le gouter is in order (but, afternoon snacks are usually reserved for children to keep them satisfied until dinner).

Live Sensually
Remember the acclaimed film, Amélie?  In one scene, she cracks the top of her crème brûlée with overwhelming joy, illustrating the French woman’s sensual relationship with life itself. While many women are too busy to notice the simple pleasures of life, the French woman realizes that the best stuff in life can be found in the moment – taking a deep inhale of her wine, gliding her fingers over silk, the feel of chocolate melting on her tongue.  She glides into a room, sips wine like it’s precious and takes her time in performing daily tasks.  She is charmed by everyday life, which makes her most charming.

Stay Calm
My French friend, Colette, asked me, “Are all you American women like those I see on reality TV?”  She had been watching an episode of Real Housewives, and I was mortified that she thought most American women are engaged in screaming matches and excess drama.  The majority of American women are not like what we see on TV (thank God!).  Yet, we I don’t believe that to be true. Yet, I do think that we could learn the art of calm from the French femme.  When I observe how a French woman handles everything from a traffic jam to discovering her husband is having an affair, I’m impressed with her calm, grounded approach to life’s stressful situations.

Be Self-Possessed
There are no “most popular” contests in France.  And, French women aren’t raised to like or be liked, giving them permission to be who they are.  In the US, on the other hand, women are transforming themselves at dizzying speeds, trying to fit in, wanting to be ‘the good girl.’ The French femme knows who she is and does not stress herself with trying to be someone else.  You won’t find her taking online personality tests or trying to justify her existence.  She has a different focus:  to cultivate herself and create joie de vivre in her present situation.  And as for self-deprecation?  You’ll never hear a French woman cursing her cellulite or talking about her latest diet.  Instead, she secretly heads to the la pharmacie to secretly purchase the new lotion that promises to smooth her dimples or makes petit adjustments in her diet.

Work to Live
I asked my French friend, Catherine, what she valued most in life.  She quickly responded, “time.”  As an attorney, her job is stressful and workload, heavy.  Yet, she said, “I’ll never spend my lunch break catching up on work or skipping a vacation because I think I don’t have the time.  The work will always be there.  It will never be done.  But, my life?  It’s made of the simple pleasure.  I refuse to ever be too busy that I miss them.”  Simply put, become more concerned with creating a life than making a living <TWEET IT>!

Attend to Appearance
The French woman is never too busy to take a little extra time to present her best self to the world.  It’s not a complicated style, but simple and elegant with her own unique flair.  Because she enjoys pleasure and the art of seduction, she spends time making sure she’s always prepared for her destiny.  It’s her self-expression, a sign of her self-worth and, for the French femme, fashion is fun!

Live in the Mystery
In Debra Oliver’s book, Entre Nous:  A Woman’s Guide to Finding Her Inner French Girl, she writes:

Where we grow up picking flowers and pondering love with “He loves me, he loves me not,” the French grow up with this refrain: “He love me a little. A lot. Passionately. Madly. Not at all.” How unfair. We think in terms of total love or absolute rejection. They think in degrees of passion and possibility. 

If an American woman loves anything, it’s absolute certainty,  Will he call me back?  Could this be my husband?  Are my kids going to go to college?  The lists of thoughts that can bring on neurosis is on-going.  The French woman knows that life is a mystery and nothing is guaranteed, letting her off the hook of trying to control everything and simply appreciate the pleasure of the present moment.

So, what do you think?  Want to unleash your inner Frenchie?  Share your thoughts in the comments below.

A Bientot!

Tonya

(P.S. I’m off to Paris tomorrow for the Celebration retreat for the French Kiss the World Society.  If you want to be a part of the journey, make sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram.)

Photo Credits:  (1)(2)(3)

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This column is dedicated to featuring modern day iconic women – those women who are living life by their own rules, inspiring others with their presence and passion, owning their own personal style and, of course, French Kissing Life!

I’ve cleared my inbox of almost everything, except for today’s modern-day icon, Alexandra Franzen.

If I French Kiss Life, this lovely lady French Kisses Words.  Sensuality, brevity and magnetism ooze from her words, a rare feat these days. Whether you’re indecisive or want to figure out how to introduce yourself to your hero, Alexandra’s your communication muse.

As a modern day icon, her communication philosophy is simple:  “Whenever you open your mouth — or place your fingers on the keyboard — you have an opportunity to add to the love in the world, or subtract from it.”  And, she’s on a mission to inspire people to change the world through words.

I feel lucky to have had the chance to interview Alexandra, and today, we’re going to dig into her mind and find out what makes her tick on all things mind, style, body and writing.

MIND

What’s your superpower?

Distillation.

I’m freakishly good at taking rambling, bumbling ideas and making them crisp + precise. It’s practically a compulsion, at this point. A helpful one … I hope!

Favorite question to ask to get the conversation going?

What was the BEST part of your day?

What book would you give your 13 year old self?

A collection of poetry by Rumi, with a handwritten note from my future self.

The note would say:

“You don’t know it yet, but you’re an artist and a poet, too. Congratulations.”

What are you currently reading?

Re-reading: Love Poems by Pablo Neruda.

Skimming: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Savoring: The latest issue of Real Simple magazine.

BODY

What’s a part of your body that you celebrate?

My shoulders. I usually have one (or both) exposed.

What is your daily beauty routine?

I don’t have a rigid routine, but I’ve recently discovered the glory of the curling wand (like a curling iron for your hair, only better!)

I’m also newly infatuated with faux eyelashes, and I recently taught myself how to do a perrrrfect “cat eye” with black liner. Very bombshell-tastic!

Your can’t-live-without beauty product?

Sheer, shimmery lip balm. Gloss is too sticky.

STYLE

Heels or flats?

Flats! (Unless someone is driving me around town!)

What is your signature style element?

Big, fabulous hair. Usually deep red. Always coiffed.

Favorite store?

Helmut Lang is my totem animal.

A fashion rule you love to break:

Neon is always in vogue, as far as I’m concerned…and white after Labor Day? Absolutely.

TASTE

You can have any meal on earth.  What shall it be?

A warm hunk of bread, a wheel of Brie, fresh grapes, dates and apricots and a smattering of grainy mustard. Followed by a shot of espresso and a sea-salt caramel. Or three.

Champagne, Beer or a Green Juice?

Champagne with a dash of elderflower liquer.

Sweet or salty?

Both!

LIFE

What is the most luxurious moment of your day?

The first few hours of the morning — which I usually spend working from my “besk” (bed + desk).

Life would be nothing without:

Pheromones.

Success is:

Leaving the planet in noticeably better condition than you found it.

When you think of money, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?

Possibility.

Your top 3 tips for dealing with overwhelm?

Simplify, simplify, simplify.

CULTURE

Here’s a round-trip plane ticket, gratis! Where are you going?

Scotland — to bathe in sacred waterfalls, explore ancient ruins + learn a few sea shanties.

Always in your carry-on luggage: 

My laptop, my iPod, hand sanitizer, lip balm, a water bottle, a pack of Orbit gum, a roasted vegetable wrap that I grabbed in the airport terminal (usually soggy + mediocre — one of these days I’ll remember to pack a proper lunch!).

Plain, train, boat, motorcycle, or car?

Train. Pure romance!

HOME

How do you want your home to feel?

Luxurious, well-appointed, simple, clean + sexy.

What’s on your bedside table?

A stack of books, my diary, a pen, a Voluspa candle and a tall glass of water.

FOR WRITERS

What do you do when you’re feeling uninspired to put pencil to paper?

When I’m uninspired, I don’t write. I do something else. Once I stop ‘trying’ so hard, inspiration inevitably returns.

Your writing hero?

Oscar Wilde — forever!

Finally . . . please tell us what you’re most passionate about right now!

Right now, I’m tremendously passionate about …

Eye contact. Flirting. Over-the-top gratitude. Hand-written letters.

Saying thank you.

Even when you don’t “need” to.

Just because you want to.

________________________________________________________

ALEXANDRA FRANZEN wants to live in a world where emails are short, love letters are brave and every “thank you” note is scribbled by hand.

As a positivity-charged blogger + writing instructor, she’s been spotlighted on The Daily Love, The Daily Muse, MindBodyGreen, Fast Company, Forbes and The Huffington Post.

Her first book — 50 Ways To Say You’re Awesome — is available now, wherever fine + fabulous books are sold.

Her virtual homebase?  AlexandraFranzen.com.

________________________________________________________

I loved Alexandra’s book, 50 Ways to Say You’re Awesome, so much that I bought 3 copies.

And, I’m gifting a copy to 3 of you!  All you must do is:

1.  Choose someone that you think is AWESOME.

2.  Tell them why they are so AWESOME in the comments section.

3.  Send them the link to the blog post so they can read your declaration of their awesomeness.

4.  If they respond to your comment, you will be eligible for the giveaway!

5.  Three readers will be chosen by the end of the week!

By the way, YOU, yes, YOU are AWESOME!!!

Love, Kisses & Awesomeness,

Tonya

(P.S. I’m still coming down from my Paris Celebration high with the French Kiss the World Society.  I’ll post about the experience very soon.  Still processing it all! Good stuff.  Really, really good stuff!)

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I just returned from a spectacular 9 days in Paris for the Celebration retreat of the 2013 French Kiss the World Society.  One of the women said, “I came home a changed woman.”

What is it about France, particularly, Paris, that does this to a woman?  Well, I think it’s because she is able to step outside of our culture of the American Dream, and taste (quite literally) something very different:  the French Dream.

I grew up believing in the American Dream – one of ambition, competition and constant striving and grinding.  This dream promised me if I could just be better, work harder and push myself long enough, I could be, do and have anything.  So, I tried to model the so-called successful people who rode around in their fancy cars and lived in their McMansions, because I had been conditioned to believe that if I could just get there, my life would be better.  I was blazing that trail on the road to happiness, or so I thought.

I did get there.  And, guess what?  That road didn’t lead to happiness.  It led to more pushing, grinding and comparing.  I learned that the way you create success will be the way you experience it.  All the country clubs or fine hotels in the world couldn’t offer me what I deeply desired: peace and joy.

Like many woman, I lived my life by a measuring stick, constantly seeing how I measured up to others, and I always seemed to miss the mark.

My life was one big self-evaluation with me trying to make sense of my purpose in life.  Instead of the being the vibrant girl that loved to twirl around in fancy dresses or play in the dirt when she was little, I felt like a hot mess who never was good enough.  Suddenly, I was broken, or at least that’s what I told myself.

The truth is that I wasn’t broken, and neither are you.  It’s our society that is somewhat broken.  We are bombarded with “find your purpose” and “make 6-figures a year” messages that has many of us feeling like we don’t measure up.  Our purpose seems to be this elusive ball that keeps rolling away and 6-figures a year seems to be as likely as winning the Power ball.  So, we obsess, take classes, read books and try to control every little thing around us to stay on that road of the American dream, but where is it leading us?

Don’t get me wrong.  I love making money.  I love beautiful things.  I love travel and luxurious hotels.  But, let me tell you what I love more: living joyfully day in and day out.  I’ll happily give up my Louis for serenity and a night at the Ritz for calm.  If I must push, grind, control, stress and obsess, I bow out gracefully.  Non, merci!

France taught me the art of ease and joie de vivre.  I call it the French dream.  While many Americans sit around trying to find out out they rank in comparison to others, their purpose in life, and an even grander feat, its meaning, the French take a radically different approach.  They simply add meaning to their every day.  Instead of analyzing their place in life or comparing themselves to others, the French will analyze other things, such as philosophy and politics.  Instead of comparing themselves to others, they focus on their own individuality.  Instead of racing to the finish line, they sit down and savor a cafe creme. 
The paradox of all of this is that once you begin to focus on creating simple pleasures every day, you’re often led to your purpose in life, which really is simple: joy. And, how that looks in your life could be a plethora of things, people and events.  There is no one purpose or one way.  Had someone asked me to define my life purpose eight years ago, I’d still be buried in self-help books trying to figure it out.  No class, book or guru could have given me that information.  Why?  Because your purpose isn’t out there somewhere.  Your life purpose is something that you create everyday by how you live your life. (Tweet This!>

I added purpose to my life by getting out of my head and living life. Really living it, not just reading about living it.  Big difference.  I went to sommelier school, which led to creating wine programs, which led to food and wine writing, which led to France, which led to making peace with my body and food, which led to my deep desire to help other women discover this new path to pleasure, which led to a company.  See how that works?

I followed my desires on a daily basis and appreciated the simple pleasures of life.  I had no idea where the road was leading, but it really didn’t matter because I was enjoying the journey.

The French dream has a carefree whimsical feel.  It’s not about the outcome, but the process.  It’s not about spreadsheets, but the sheets on your bed.  It’s not about certainty, but falling into the arms of mystery.  It’s not about a denial, but about creating pleasure day in and day out. It’s not about trying to be more beautiful, but feeling good in your own skin.  It’s not about trying to fit in, but about individuality and acceptance.  There are no corporate ladders to be climbed or races to be won.  There’s only one things that matters:  living a life of pleasure.

And, as a mentor to women, I see how this approach freaks them out.  Slow down?  I might get behind!  Relax?  My world will fall apart.  Pleasure?  Oh no!  I’ll feel guilty!. 

I offer them permission and help calm the fears of not achieving enough.  The moment they really get that it’s not about where you’re going but how you’re getting there that matters, I can literally see their minds and bodies relax. It’s the a-ha moment they’ve waited for: permission to slow down and enjoy life, as it is today!
And, do you know what happens?  Well, one of the women in the Society said it best:  “This year, I learned to let go and choose ease, and now my business is growing without all the pressure.”  The woman you become on that journey will attract more into your life than you ever thought possible sans the pressure, stress and competition.  The weight will melt off, your confidence will rise, abundance will flow and every day life will become a luxurious affair.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m very thankful for the opportunities that are afforded within the American Dream.  I’m also grateful that the French Dream has showed me how to approach my ambition and desires – with ease, grace and elegance.  It’s a constant balancing act.  I still love my spreadsheets and goals.  I love planning and envisioning.  I love major brainstorming sessions with clients.  I love ideas and birthing those darlings.  The big difference is that I’ve learned to focus on how I feel during the journey, instead of constantly worrying about the outcome.

Just a little side note:  I realize that France has a very different political and social structure that affords them a more relaxed mindset around letting go. I also know that France has many issues that I’ve not discussed.  The point of this article is to encourage you to truly assess what you’ve given up in the name of the American Dream.  Also what has it afforded you?  There’s immense benefits of both cultures.  My question is: how do we fuse the two cultures to create a most luxurious life?

To Dreams,

Tonya

(P.S.  Stay tuned, because next week, I’m announcing a very special Immersion experience that will teach you how to eat with pleasure, feel fabulous and have savoir-faire! This program has changed the lives and bodies of hundreds of women a la francaise. If you want to be the first-to-know, make sure you’re on the mailing list. Look above or below and you’ll see the magic box for your email address.  And, if you’re one of the hundreds of women who have been anxiously awaiting this announcement, thank you for your patience! It’s coming.  Promise!).

(P.P.S.  Thanks to those who participated in the Awesomefest this week.  I’ll be announcing the book winners next week.  If you haven’t joined the fun, it’s not too late.)

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People have been trying to demystify the French paradox for years, including me.  Really, how do all those people eat cheese, chocolate and baguettes while sipping wine and not be obese?

The truth is that there are many factors involved in the slim physiques of French people (ones that I teach in the Slim, Chic and Savvy Immersion program).  However, the main concepts I found carved in a set of cheese knives.  Allow me to explain.

At Wednesday night’s soiree (which was over-the top fun), I gave away a set of cheese knives, each carved with a word.  These three words can teach you how to become more like those French women (and members of Slim, Chic and Savvy) who maintain slim bodies while indulging in decadent food.

Want to know the 3 words that sum it all up?

When was the last time you sat down with family and friends for hours for a true gathering feast with decadent food and flowing wine?

I’m not speaking of quick Tuesday night dinners or taking the family out to Steak-n-Shake.  What I’m talking about is a beautiful exquisite dining experience.

Gathering is a daily part of the French culture, with two hour lunches and weekend dinners that can go well past midnight.

When I was in Paris a few weeks ago, I also observed that you don’t see French people on their cellphones texting, checking in via Foursquare or updating their Facebook status.

Unlike American culture, the French aren’t so busy chasing success, fame and fortune that they don’t carve out time for their most treasured possessions: family and friends.

How is this slimming?

Well, I work with clients who struggle with their weight, and one of the things I’ve noticed is that they don’t typically gather, unless it’s for a business meeting or Thanksgiving.

Some of them are afraid that they won’t be able to handle being around delicious food.  They are either on a diet or believe that food has control over them.  So, they turn down invitations and hunker down at home spiraling into loneliness and sadness. And, what do they do?  Eat.

Others claim they don’t have the time.  They’ve inundated themselves with so many ego-driven responsibilities – debt, clubs, associations and such – that they don’t even have time to enjoy the people they love most.  They return home in the evenings, tired and overwhelmed because they must start that process over again the next day.  What do they do?  Eat.  And, then they wonder what’s missing from their life?

I challenge each member of the Slim, Chic and Savvy community to throw a decadent dinner party.  I even give away a prize to the winner.  I do this for two reasons: 1) I want women to fall back in love with gatherings and delicious food, and 2) I want to empower them to take back control of their schedules and lives to create room for the really important stuff of life:  connection.

If you don’t believe my theory of the slimming affect of gathering, let’s take a look at some statistics.   According to the Food Marketing Institute, just 40 percent of American families eat dinner together, no more than two or three times a week. A generation ago that number was close to 80 percent.  A generation ago, Americans were also much slimmer.

In contrast, almost 85% of French families dine together almost every day of the week.

My conclusion on this matter: a lack of gathering due to overwhelm and food obsession has led to a nation of people starving for true connection and pleasure. 

When I suggest to a woman that she begins to enjoy food, she looks at me like I just asked her to hand over her first born.

Upon our first conversations, members of Slim, Chic and Savvy confess that their minds are consumed with food and body image issues, on average, 60% of their day.  That’s over 14 hours of her a woman’s precious life that’s spent obsessing and trying to control her food and body.  But, that number does not reflect savoring and enjoyment.  It’s obsessive, controlling and depriving.

I can relate.  When I was in the deep darkness of an eating disorder, I’d venture to say that my answer would have been more like 90%.  I was either fighting with food or completely giving into it.  To enjoy food was not a part of the equation.

Yet, it was allowing myself permission to slow down and savor what was on my plate (and life) that led to a size 6 body that I no longer obsess over, and the fascinating thing is that I eat more than before.  But, I know how to eat, and it’s not what you think!  It’s full of pleasure, flavor and a dining etiquette that is very slimming.  It’s very French.

Like Americans, the French woman’s day revolves around food, but it’s a very different energy.  She’s not spending her days obsessing and trying to avoid pleasurable eating.  She’s not tracking her calorie intake.  She’s not shopping for sugar or fat free anything.  Instead, she’s excited about what she’s going to pick up at the market to prepare for the evening.  She cannot wait to meet her lover at the brasserie for a romantic dinner.

She doesn’t try to control food; she simply savors it.  Turns out, savoring food is one of the most slimming things you can do.  

American women are starving for pleasure.  So, when you deny yourself of a pleasurable eating experience, your human nature cannot fight but for so long before you give in or go mad.   If you want to stop the battle and tap into blissful joie de vivre, stop resisting Mother Nature that made food not only for nourishment but also for pleasure.

Furthermore, it’s time to start enjoying not only food, but your life.  If most of your pleasure in life comes from food, it’s understandable why you may eat more than your body needs.  When you begin to address all aspects of your life, not just your weight, you’ll begin to create more joy and passion.

A fulfilled woman doesn’t desire to overfill her body with food.  As a result, food takes its rightful place in her life.  It becomes a pleasurable piece, not the main attraction.

CELEBRATE

One of the initial issues that I see in every woman when we first begin working together is a lack of celebration in her life.

Her focus is on lack: lack of money, time, love, friends, worth.

And, when it comes to her relationship with her own body, this state is even greater.  In her mind, she lacks her ideal body.

So, naturally, put her at the table with food and wine and it’s not about celebrating what’s on her plate, the gift of her body and connection with family and friends, but it becomes a battle.  Her mind goes to everything she perceives to be wrong with her body and in her life.  What does that type of woman do?  She eats more and enjoys less.

What you focus on grows, so her continual focus on what she thinks is not working in her life continues to not work.

On the other hand, the French celebrate life, and especially food.  Appreciation and celebration of what’s sur la table is part of the French culture.

But, let’s take a deeper look.  French people aren’t always trying to change themselves.  They accept and celebrate how life is right now.  That’s part of their joie de vivre.  This takes a ton of pressure off of their daily life.

If you’ll begin to celebrate more and complain less, you’ll find that your energy will begin to shift in beautiful ways.  You’ll begin to place your focus on things that feel good, and as you feel better, you’ll make very different choices around your body and food.

Celebration, turns out, is one of the most effective weight loss tools out there.  If you don’t believe me, just check out what they Slim, Chic and Savvy members are saying.  From day one of the program, celebration becomes a mandatory daily habit. By week two, they are more joyful and dropping weight avec plaisir!  Coincidence?  I think not!

Which of the three words do you feel most lacking in your life?  Let me know in the comments below.

______________________________________________________

What’s Happening:

The Slim, Chic and Savvy Immersion program starts on November 18th.  If you want to be eligible for my special WELCOME gift, which includes “100 Ways to Live Slim, Chic and Savvy,” a jump start guide into the lifestyle, you’d better hurry up and enroll.  There are a few left!

I’m also offering a SCS Scholarship.  I want to give every woman who desires to be a part of this incredible program a chance.  Click here to get all the details.  Deadline is Monday, Nov. 11 at Midnight.

Finally, I had such a blast at this week’s soiree that I’m hosting an encore next Wednesday evening, November 13th at 6PM ET.  Click here to register.  Bring your questions and a glass of Champagne.  Plus, I’ll be giving away some more of my favorite things!

Cheers,

Tonya

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Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year.  It’s focus on family, friends and food (and, let’s not forget football) offers us a chance to stop, reflect and enjoy.

Yet, some women still go about Thanksgiving the way they go about their lives – hurried, pressured and overwhelmed.

I want this to be a holiday of elegance, style and joie de vivre, so here are some of my favorite ways to French Kiss Thanksgiving.

Care to add to the list?  Let us know how you plan to French Kiss Thanksgiving.

By the way, I’m so thankful for you!

xoxo,

Tonya

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Two years ago, I was in Paris for Christmas.

May I add that the energy was so different than the Christmas craze I had left behind in the States.

Excitement, elegance and joie de vivre were palpable as I walked through the Marais.  

I returned home with a new sense of what the holidays should feel like.

With just five days until Christmas, I’ve been getting an influx of emails from readers desiring a less stressful and more elegant holiday. Today, I’m going to channel my inner Frenchie for answers to the questions you’ve asked.  Plus, I’m answering a few personal questions about my own Christmas experience.

I am  stressing out over the holidays because I am the self-declared master of family memories. I have taken it upon myself to make everything perfect and therefore suck the life out of Christmas. As a mother of three, wife, and teacher, I am busier than is humanly possible (like every other mother), but every evening I feel frustrated. Frustrated that I didn’t get a chance to journal, frustrated that I over-ate (again), frustrated that I let another day go by without figuring out who I am and what I need. So yes, I am definitely stressed about the holidays and looking forward to reading more tips and ideas from your lovely life! 

My thoughts:

1.  Become the Self-Declared Master of Your Own Joy.  What’s a family memory if mama is miserable making it?

2.  Keep it Simple.  Frustration, overwhelm and stress is often caused by adding too much to our plates. What can you begin to simplify?  What are you currently doing that’s draining your joy?

3.  Create non-negotiables.  You are the creator of your life experience, and if you want to journal, have 10 minutes of solitude, time for self-reflection, then it’s up to you to create that space for yourself.  Sure, you may have to let go of a perfectly decorated tree, but as you create the time for what’s truly important to you, you gain momentum towards more joy.   At some point, you must CHOOSE to get off the hamster wheel.  No one’s going to stop it for you.  Start small and you’ll see big changes in how you feel.

How do I avoid overspending at Christmas?

Easy.  Give love, not ego.

Most people try to impress with their gifts, only to leave themselves unimpressed when the New Year rolls around.

There are so many ways to gift love – baked cookies, a decadent dinner, a favorite book, quality time.

If you don’t have it, don’t spend it.

You’ll thank me when your credit card bill arrives in January!

I’m alone this Christmas, and I’m already feeling sad.  Suggestions on how to make this Christmas magical?

Magic lives inside you.  It’s not out there to be found.

So, look through your magical eye and you’ll awe and wonder around.  Isn’t that what Christmas is about anyway?

Here are my suggestions:

1.  Throw a Christmas party and invite others who are riding out the holiday solo.  There’s someone just like you who is looking for some Christmas magic.  Why not create it for another?

2.  Volunteer at a local shelter – for people or animals.  The holiday season is about gifting, so gift your time to those who are looking for a little love and affection.

3.  Put on your most beautiful dress and go out to dinner .  There are restaurants that cater to those who are looking for an alternative Christmas.  Sit at the bar and flirt with the bartender to spice things up. You may be surprised at what the night has in store.

4. Go on a last minute road trip.  Magic is found when you break outside of your current way of doing things and open yourself to wonder.

5.  Buy yourself a beautiful gift.  Wrap it. Place it under the tree.  Open it while sipping a glass of Champagne.

I always hate Christmas Day because I overeat and lose control.  How can I prevent myself from doing it again this year?

Darling, who doesn’t overindulge a little on Christmas?  Even the French woman occasionally overdoes it.  It’s only an issue if it’s an ongoing cycle.  So, give yourself permission to enjoy and take maximum pleasure out of your food.  Also, become a food snob.  Don’t eat just anything.  Eat only the best of what you love.  These are the rules I have in place for my dining at all times, and ironically, I rarely stuff myself.

But, an occasional indulgence?  Absolutely!

You’ll also feel better if you create space for a little physical activity on Christmas Day.  I’m not talking about an all-out sweat session, but a stroll with family, an afternoon of skiing or, even better, a dance party!

Simply put:  enjoy your holiday sans the guilt!

What’s your favorite gift to give?

Quality time + fine chocolates and books of poetry.

What’s on your Christmas menu?

Christmas morning will be Apple-Cinnamon French toast and Bellinis.

For a late lunch, I’m expecting a Southern Feast since I’ll be with my family in North Carolina. Oh, and Champagne!

What are you wearing on Christmas Day?

I haven’t decided yet, but I know it will be a dress, a little sparkle, heels and lipstick, of course!

How can I make this Christmas special?

It all starts within you.  Wake up and decide how you want to feel for the day.   Let every word, action, decision come from that place. Regardless of what’s happening around you, when you become a woman who chooses her own experience, life becomes your playground to create whatever your heart desires.

And, don’t forget the little touches – an elegant bow, a decadent piece of chocolate, beautifully scented candles.

The most luxurious things in life are often the most simple. <Tweet it!>

Question #9

What are your feelings about New Year’s Resolutions?

Resolutions bore me.  I stopped them years ago.  I have a better way to start the New Year, and this year I’ll be inviting you along on the adventure.

Make sure you’re on the mailing list to be the first to know.

To a Magical Holiday,

Tonya

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“With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.”
― William Shakespeare

Pop open the Champagne!  Today is my birthday!

And, it’s also Frenchie Friday.

Trying to figure out how to tie the two together was difficult at first due to my tendency to overthink things. Then, it became so obvious.

When I really think about why the French lifestyle is filled of joie de vivre, it really has nothing to do with fashion, style or material things.  It has everything to do with connection and celebrating life.

The French love an excuse to take the day off, relax and open a bottle of wine with family and friends.  As grouchy as they are portrayed, they truly are a festive culture of people.

And, since it’s Frenchie Friday, I’m going to honor that part of myself by taking the day off and luxuriating in today’s surprise festivities.  I’m being picked up at 12 and whisked off to an unknown location (how exotic is that!).  I’ve only been told to dress up (more intrigue).   Then I heard through the grapevine that I am going to be celebrating with some of my dearest friends tonight.  My only request:  that we go dancing!

One of the things I’ve come to appreciate this past year is the value of friendships.  When I came to Durango almost two years ago, I had no idea what life had in store.   I truly fell into the arms of mystery.  And, to say this past year has been a transition is an understatement.  But, I woke up each day committed to celebrating something and staying connected to the incredible friends that have become a part of my life.  I am truly blessed to have some of the best human beings on the planet to call my friend.

In in the toughest of times, I’d think to myself, “I’m a blessed girl,” or “At least there’s still Champagne.”  Those little moments, even on my darkest of days, added a feeling that life was still French Kissing me.

One day, not today, I’ll talk about my 2013 journey and the wonderful lessons I’ve learned.  Trust me when I say, EVERYTHING along your journey is guiding you.  When you let go, surrender and step outside of your comfort zone, life really begins to open you up.

But, until then, I propose a toast,

May your life be filled with joie de vivre.

May you find a little ray of light when it seems so dark.

May you be blessed with friends that hold a mirror up to your truth.

May you do big things with a big heart. 

May you French Kiss Life!

Oh, and dance!

On my birthday, I want to give you a little something – a mixtape that I created for the French Kiss Life Adventure to inspire you to dance with me on my birthday!

Let Go & Dance from tonyaleigh on 8tracks Radio.

And, I have one more request. In honor of my special day, celebrate with me.  In the comments below, tell me something or someone you want to celebrate today!

Thank you for all my birthday wishes, and I don’t say it often enough, but please know, I adore you!

Cheers,

Tonya

(P.S. If you’d like to wish me a Happy Birthday, I’d be tickled.  Just send me a shout on Facebook or Twitter.)

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“Take someone who doesn’t keep score,
who’s not looking to be richer, or afraid of losing,
who has not the slightest interest even
in his own personality: he’s free.”
― Rumi

I do love Paris–with a realistic and honest heart of fervent.  Although I do not believe it’s always flowing with fine champagne and caviar, I do have grand visions of morning strolls along the Seine, warm brie slathered richly on a fresh baguette at the corner bakery, and toasts of delicious Bordeaux with the grandeur of the Eiffel tower in view.

But, something I do struggle with in La Ville Lumière, is creating strong female friendships in the City of Love.

During many conversations with elegant French women and expatriates, I have been told that French ladies can be competitive and ruthless, manipulative and sneaky, and downright mean. But, this could also describe how women behave anywhere. And are we surprised?

We are raised to be competitive with our gender. We are nervous and fearful that the other women will get the money, the beauty, the man– our man?–, the clients, the job, and the recognition. We have seen the result: Catty behavior, rude comments, toxic gossip, success smackdowns, and a lot of eye rolling.

But, listen.   The Lady Code says: there is more than enough for all of us.

Over a decade ago, after many “bless her little heart” superficial relationships, I embarked on a quest to find those of quality. My definition of “quality” included: Encouragement rather than gossip; love instead of resentment; and honesty over deception. It was successful and I was pleasantly surprised to find that quality women do exist everywhere. Simply, you need to become the type of woman that you would love to have as a friend. They will find you.

During this process, I developed my personal “Lady Code,” which has helped me become, and stay aware of, the type of woman and friend that I would like to be and have.

Never sleep with a girlfriends’ significant other (Ex or not).  

Enough said.

Don’t name call and never use the following: “Slut,” “Whore” or “Bitch”.  

Regardless of a woman’s behavior, whether you know them or not, there is no tolerance for such juvenile name calling. Besides, behind every poorly made decision, there is usually a source of pain.

Don’t knock another woman’s success.  
Rather, praise her and encourage her. Use the success of others to motivate and inspire you. Remember, we’re all in this together and there’s more than enough for you.

Don’t judge her decisions.  

She’s doing the best she can.  Instead, listen to her when she needs an ear, without interruption.

Offer loving feedback when asked.  

Be honest and don’t hold back. Give it her straight up as you would like to receive advice, with a very loving heart of compassion. In giving your support and wisdom, try to use your “I” words, instead of “you.” Love, never attack.

Don’t leave her inebriated.  

We have all had nights when we’ve had too much to drink. Stay by her side and protect her in this fragile state. She most likely could use a shoulder.

Don’t steal her spotlight.  

Believe me, you will have your moment. Praise her, encourage her, and lift her even higher. Be thankful for the amazing and inspiring women you have in your life that serve as wonderful life models. Let others know how wonderful she is. The spotlight will shine on you for being a great friend.

Don’t allow negative body talk.

Sometimes, we can get it into the “Let’s focus on a body part we don’t love and give it a good beatdown… together” pity party. But ladies, please don’t. Establish a rule in your circle that if someone starts, help them return to self-love. Negatively looking at our beautiful and amazing bodies is verbally toxic and serves no one. Keep this in mind: Friends don’t let friends talk bad about their bodies. (tweet it)

Challenge each other to step outside of your comfort zones.  

We all can get into life ruts. A good girlfriend will motivate and inspire you to not settle for the status quo, but strive to reach the best version of you. There is often a risk involved to get your mojo flowing again, but be a bold and brazen woman– you have great love and support behind you.

Don’t post unflattering pictures of others on social media.  

Just because you look great in a shot, doesn’t mean it needs to go up. If your friend wouldn’t appreciate, don’t do it.

Don’t hoard your friends.  

Jealousy of other women who are getting close to your friend is “so high school.” Don’t you think? Instead, celebrate that you have an amazing friend in your life that others see as valuable, too.

Set high intentions for each other.

Instead of secretly hoping that another woman will fail, see her as a huge, brilliant success.  In the French Kiss the World Society, each lady does this for each other by setting an intention for each member.  Throughout the year,  her fellow coterie refuse to see her as any other way than fully embodying it, with passion and courage.  It’s amazing how that energy and support can literally change a woman from the inside out.

Be vulnerable.

It’s hard trying to keep up the facade.  One vulnerable and warm woman in the room can tear down the walls and charm hundreds.  We’re all waiting for permission.  Perhaps, you can be the one to set us all free.

I asked my community what “Lady Code” they’d love to see. Here’s what they had to say:

And, if you’re breaking any of the codes, don’t worry.  We’re none perfect and we’ve all broken at least one, if not all, of them.  The good news: each moment is a chance to recommit to being a lady. 

What other “Lady Rules” would you like to add to the list?

With lots of Lady Love,

Tonya

(P.S. The French Kiss the World Society is within days of being announced.  With over 200 women on the waiting list for 12 spots, these spots will fill quickly.  If you have desires that you are committed to creating in 2014, and Paris is calling you, along with an exceptional group of ladies, you will not want to miss this opportunity. Click here to make sure you’re the first to know.)

Photo by Red Scarf Shots

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Do you think you can have what you want?

It’s an important question to answer, because if you doubt that you can, you never will.

Let me share a story with you.

Over a decade ago, I remember feeling extremely overwhelmed and stuck in life.

I’d wake up and ask myself, “Is this it?”

I was floundering, resisting, constantly searching for answers and taking tons of action out of desperation.  You can read more about my heroine’s journey here (be forewarned: I go into a lot of the nitty gritty).

The result?  Nothing.  More of the same.  A life of reaction.  Vanilla living.  

I craved so much more more.

Then, I had 3 experiences within a three year time span that would forever change my life.

First, I went to sommelier school.  Learning about the world of wine was a metaphor of life – slowing down long enough to indulge and savor in the richness of the human experience. That was my first step into luxurious living.

Second, I experienced the power of horses. Did you know that a horse can tell you everything about yourself – your fears, strengths, where you’re resisting life, where you’re free flowing?  On a beautiful sunny day at a ranch in California, a horse showed me my fears, sabotaging beliefs and how to turn it all around.  I began to take back the reigns of my own life.

Finally, I went to Paris. At the time, I lived like most American women — quietly terrified of not having enough money, of not being skinny enough, of not being good enough for love, success, beauty & over-the-top passion.

After spending a week in the City of Lights, I embraced an entirely new approach to life — a life of joie de vivre, where value was placed on everyday luxuries, like friends, food, music, style & beauty … and slowing down long enough to taste your Bordeaux.

I returned home from Paris a changed woman — as so many women do! I no longer wanted to ‘work harder’ or ‘uplevel my goals’. I realized that ‘playing bigger’ meant slowing down to a Parisian pace — and learning to appreciate the beauty my life already held, in abundance.

My world didn’t fall apart.  Quite the opposite.  Everything began to shift in miraculous ways – more luxury, ease and elegance!  I began to believe that I could, in fact, have the life I craved.

Et Voila . . . 3 major life experiences helped me crack the code of lifestyle design:

:: slowing down long enough to hear my own soul

:: stop resisting life

:: letting go of the story that no longer served me

:: having the courage to create what I desire

:: infusing my life with everyday luxury and style…

And, I’ve helped women from all over the world do the same - start a dream business, sashay right out of corporate, triple their revenue, find their soulmate, create their dream bodies, become a woman of charm and confidence, design a lifestyle of travel and play and so much more.  And, they’ve done it with ease, a sense of fun and heart full of passion.

What does this all have to do with you?

Well, if you are a woman who is craving more out of life than the daily grind, is tired of waiting, wants to sashay right through the obstacles and challenges that keep stopping you every time, wants to create a life strategy that feels like play and thinks Paris is always a good idea, I am tickled to introduce….

Tonya

(P.S.  Don’t take my word for what an incredible experience the Society is.  Click here to read what past members have to say.)

(P.P.S. I’m hosting interviews next week, so get that application turned in if this sounds like something your soul is craving.)

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“If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.”
― Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

The saying goes: “Spend time with people whose lives you admire.”

I love this motto and think that if we follow it, we will only be surrounded by an uplifting and inspirational community . But, a few years ago, I was doing just the opposite in a stuffy conference room learning about being a successful entrepreneur.

I adored the women who I shared the room with, but certainly not their lives. They had become overwhelmed, exhausted, frustrated, and discouraged all in the name of business. In essence, their lives were nothing short of 50+ hour work week, without the leisurely joy of actually living.

These highly intelligent and successful MBAs did not need another business course. What they did need, however, was…. PARIS.

That day, I committed to sharing with women the beauty and mystique of the “City of Lights” in an effort to teach others how to prioritize their desires, bring art and life into their work, and learn sensually savvy ways to live while earning an income and experiencing joy.

My goal became all about mastering the art of luxurious living.

From feeling comfortable in our own skin and embracing who we are, to envisioning ourselves as powerful, feminine, and creative forces, luxurious living encompasses it all.

So, why Paris?

I’m so glad you asked. In case you haven’t noticed, I have a bit of a love affair with the city.

Paris has…

1. Taught me the power of femininity and sensuality.

Like lingerie, fine chocolate, wrapping a simple, silk scarf around myself, and feeling sensual and at home in my body.  Before Paris, I would have never had the confidence to post this pic (taken during an underpinnings session during the French Kiss the World’s Society Paris Celebration Retreat.)  But now?  Well, many trips to Paris changes a girl.

2. Encouraged me to slow down, notice my surroundings, and appreciate all of the beauty around me.

In a busy world– frantically buzzing by– Paris spoke to me and said, “Non, merci” to a life void of pleasure, without the time to look your best, savor delicious meals, and indulge.

3. Inspired me to care about how I present myself to the world.

Regardless of whether you are a diplomat’s wife or a cashier at the local Carrefour, the streets of Paris become a runway to saunter, sashay, and express our femininity. Parisians pride themselves on self-care, expression, and an outward display of beauty– as we all should.

4. Helped me embrace a divine relationship with food.

Many modern women have developed insane relationships with what’s on their plate– I used to be one of them– but Paris teaches you how to savor, choose quality ingredients, slow down, and enjoy your food to elegant satisfaction, and to never — ever– feel guilty about enjoying a quality piece of chocolate. The result? A Slim, Chic and Savvy lifestyle – full of vitality, health and pleasure.

5. Inspired me to make my life art.

In a city that is home to the Rodin, Musee d’Orsay, and the Louvre, it’s clear that art is extremely important to the French lifestyle. A woman’s life is also a fine piece of art and being in a city that places value on aesthetics, there is constant inspiration and infusion of creativity that can be found everywhere– in everything. The French femme wants to be a masterpiece, not a replica.

6. Encouraged me to embrace elegant simplicity.

I was left shocked and confused after encountering my first Parisian home. Where I expected an apartment full of old antiques, huge kitchens to cook coq a vin, and closets that housed massive wardrobes, I found simplistic designs and raw elegance. The Parisian woman understands the art of simplicity and chooses to allow in her life what adds value and lasting pleasure.

7. Taught me that one should work to live, not live to work.

Being raised in a typical American household where value was placed on work ethic, I’ve always believed that I had to work, work, work in order to prove my worth. Paris taught me the alternative: To understand when enough is enough and to use work as a tool to enjoy life, not the other way around.

8. Allowed me to see leisure as a necessity for a great life, not as a source of guilt.

From women sitting on a park bench reading a book, to lawn chairs spread throughout Paris’s jardins, the Parisians have mastered the art of leisure. In fact, American “busyness” is viewed as an excuse to run from one thing to the next without slowing down and enjoying life. In Paris, leisure is not just for a once a year vacation but an everyday way of life. 

9. Taught me that seduction is a way of life that makes the human experience fun and exciting.

From courting to buying cheese at the local fromagerie, you learn the subtle gestures and words that create a seductive aura of fun and romance where flirting is encouraged in every conversation and embrace.

10. Encouraged me to eat well, travel well, and live well.

Paris– in food, wine, art, culture, history, and fashion– taught me the glorious power in traveling. There is no way to connect and experience a culture outside of our own without getting into it, and allowing it to change us. I have witnessed brilliant ideas being hatched in gardens; beliefs changed within days when a woman experiences a new relationship with food; self-romance being declared along the Seine; and sparks of inspiration being lit  underneath the Eiffel tower.

In a nutshell, Paris taught me how to fall in love with my life, as it is right now.  And, as a result, I’ve attracted more than I ever dreamed possible.

And, on this Valentine’s Day, I want nothing more than for you to have that same experience — to fill your every day with love, passion, romance and joie de vivre.

That’s why I created this very special playsheet to inspire you to have a love affair with life!

__________________________________

Are you Ready to Experience the Magic of Paris?

This fall, I’m bringing 12 women to my favorite city in the world — the city that taught me how to French Kiss Life, with every fiber of my being — PARIS!

This will be our final destination of our 9-month journey into the world of passion, elegance, luxury and ease.  You’ll discover your signature scent, picnic by the Seine and celebrate the woman you’ve become in 9 short months.

I would love to give you that opportunity to grow, learn, and fall in love with yourself and to see the world as a playground of self-expression, play and opportunities.

I encourage you– if your mouth is salivating over rich delicacies, your mind has been awakened for new exploration, and if you are craving more– to apply to the very exclusive…

The 2014 French Kiss the World Society

Currently, applications are being accepted for 12 coveted spots. I am looking for a certain kind of woman — one who is committed to making 2014 count in all of the most lovely and luxurious ways: passion, style, fun, charm, elegance, and love.

The deadline for applications is Friday, February 21st.  So, don’t run but do saunter quickly over here to learn more.

I am so excited to invite you on this most remarkable and unforgettable journey.

With all my love,

Tonya

Photo Credits:  (1)(2)

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“Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed.

Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them.”

-Carrie Bradshaw

I’ll start tomorrow.

I’ll wait until next year.

I don’t know what I want.  

I don’t have enough money.

I’m not smart enough.

I don’t know how.

Why these excuses can feel real, they are complete lies and will trap you for a lifetime.  I know, from experience, the pain of putting life on hold.  Another year of waiting is another year lost in mediocrity, staleness and more of the same.

If you want to live a tame and practical life, then read no further. Don’t do anything this year.

But, if you want to experience grand adventures and wild freedom, I have some fabulous news!

Welcome to the Year of the Horse!

On January 30th at exactly 11:20 pm PST, the Chinese New Year ushered in a new energy, one of the wild, free and powerful horse leaving behind the procrastination and complacency of the Snake Year.

Picture a horse.  She’s refined, yet wild.  Soft, yet powerful.  Disciplined, yet free.

The Year of the Horse means . . .  

. . . good fortune and luck will follow those who are decisive to take action.

. . . the daring will have enchanting experiences and surprising romance.

. . . a year for travel, play and fun.

. . . to savor fine wines and cuisine.

. . . to buy those Jimmy Choo’s.

. . . to boldly express yourself in your business, relationships and life.

. . . to cultivate elegance, refinement and independence

. . . returning to Nature.

. . . enjoying the simple pleasures of life.

. . . your life will be enriched and rewarded by living large and worrying less.

. . . your feminine energy and sex appeal is dying to be exposed – dress well, flaunt, own who you are.

. . . create more health, energy and vibrancy.

. . . it’s absolutely the most perfect year to go to Paris!

This is not the year to hunker down and play it safe. This is the year to dance on table tops, create something raw and real and unleash your most spirited and powerful self.

This year is calling you to live life to the fullest – stop worrying so much, step outside of your comfort zone, express yourself, be inspired, take action, live passionately, and be a little wild.

There’s never the perfect time.  There’s always an excuse.  The stars are rarely aligned to start actually doing the things you desire, but the energy of the Horse Year is actually begging you to NOT WAIT!

So, what are you waiting for? To take that trip?  To learn that language?  To write that book?  To participate in an incredible experience?

Tell me in the comments below:

1.  What are you waiting to be, do or have?

2.  What’s your biggest fear about saying yes to your desire?

3.  What is one courageous step you will take to harness this year’s energy – inspired action, playfulness and grand adventures?

Wildly Yours,

Tonya

(P.S. The 2014 French Kiss the World Society is going to harness the energy of the Year of the Horse!  From discovering your unique dreams while sipping wine in Napa, working on personal development with horses in Durango, to reveling in your sensuality and femininity in Paris – you are going to be schooled in the art of luxurious living!

The deadline for applications is Friday, the 21st.)

Photo Credit: (1)

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“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”
― Rumi, The Essential Rumi

She was chic, confident, mysterious and slightly haughty.   Who was this woman?

She was who I followed into the Hermès store on the Rue du Faubourg Saint-Honoré. Wearing a pair of leather pants, a simple white blouse, her hair slightly messy and her makeup naturally flawless, she definitely had her own unique style. Commanding attention from the sales lady, she meticulously chose the most beautiful scarf while taking her precious time.  Clearly, she wouldn’t be rushed or ignored.

There are certain women that can walk down the street or into a room and command attention, respect and admiration. The woman in the Hermès store was one of them.

Regardless of what you think, it wasn’t so much her looks or wardrobe.  Sure, how a woman presents herself to the world says a lot about who she is; a woman’s style is her self-expression.  But, there’s something deeper and much more alluring going on here.

The French refer to it as that je ne sais quoi, or the “I don’t know what,” but I think I do.

They are possessed . . . by their own sense of self.

A woman who is self-possessed . . .

Doesn’t follow the crowds.  She’s usually walking down her own uncharted path, which usually leads to thrilling adventures.

Breaks the rules.  Tell her what to do, and she’ll most likely do the opposite.  Not because she’s defiant (although it may appear that way), but because she knows what she wants and she’s not going to let someone stop her.

Listens to her intuition.  She knows that her instinct is her most powerful tool, and she trusts it far more than anything or anyone else.

Does things to delight herself.  She doesn’t suffer from the Puritanical plague that preaches “no pain, no gain.”  Pleasure is how she rolls, from filling her home with fresh flowers to indulging in a fine piece of chocolate.

Has her own sense of style.  She doesn’t follow the trends just for the sake of fitting in.  In fact, she shies away from the norm.  If it makes her look and feel good, she wears it.  If it doesn’t, all the covers of Vogue won’t convince her.

Doesn’t need you to like her.  She likes herself; she doesn’t need your approval.  Her lack of neediness makes her so much more present, loving and authentic.

Feels at home in the world because she’s at home with herself.   She saunters down the street, asks for what she wants, tells it like she sees it and holds her head high.  When you truly love and enjoy yourself, the world becomes a fabulous playground.

If you’re reading this and thinking to yourself, “I wish I could be more like this,” you’re not alone.

I was possessed for most of my early adulthood, but by ideals that weren’t my own, beliefs that were handed down to me, neverending to-do lists, cultural standards, perfectionism and a host of other debilitating soul suckers.

I had to take complete control of my life and discover who I really was.  I had to learn to trust myself and take inspired action daily.  I had to learn what my own personal style was, what truly delighted me and have the guts to own it.  I had to stop following diets and systems to discover my body’s wisdom. I had to let go of a lot in order to allow my truth in.

From mentoring hundreds of women, nothing delights me more than to witness a woman blossom into her own self-possession.  And, I know that moment when a woman has claimed her life. She’ll say something like one of the members in last year’s Society, “Tonya, I thought I wanted to be like you, but what I’ve discovered is that I love who you’ve inspired ME to become.”

YES…she’s arrived!

Love,

Tonya

(P.S.  The application DEADLINE for the French Kiss the World Society is tonight at midnight MT.   Nothing ventured; nothing gained.)

(P.P.S.  Do you love Frenchie Friday’s?  If so, please tweet it!  Merci from the bottom of my heart!)

(P.P.P.S.  With spring around the corner, I am in love with the boyfriend jean (as seen above).  Dress it up with a sequined tank, blazer and heels or dress it down with a casual t-shirt and sandals.  A great staple piece for your wardrobe.)

Photo Credit: (1)

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“When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it is over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.”
― Mary Oliver

Ooh la la…Mary Oliver’s quote gets me every time.  I remember the first time I heard it was at a dinner table in the South of France when an Irishman recited it word for word.

It struck a deep nerve within me, because up until then I had ignored my deep desires and spent most of my time trying to rearrange my external world – trying to lose weight, have the perfect relationship and make more money – to offer me relief.  As a result, I was constantly overwhelmed, worried and anxious about my future.

Life felt more like an enemy to be conquered than a lover to be adored.

Something had to change, and that something was the relationship I had with life.

Having worked as a critical care nurse and being present with people on their deathbeds, I have a deep understanding of what life is truly about, and contrary to what people try to convince you, it’s not about making 6 or 7 figures, being a size 2 or finding the perfect relationship.    None of these things guarantee you a full life.

Yet, if those are your desires (and there’s nothing wrong with wanting what you want; I happen to love luxury, being fit and great relationships), falling in love with life, as it is right now, is the secret to attracting it all – with ease, grace and joie de vivre. 

If you want your life to change, change how you treat your life! (tweet it)

Because . . .

When You French Kiss Life, Life Kisses You Back!

Here are some ways I’m having a love affair with life:

Want to add to the list? I’d love to know how you are having a love affair with life in the comments below.

Lover of Love,

Tonya

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“A walk about Paris will provide lessons

in history, beauty, and in the point of Life.”
― Thomas Jefferson

Around this time of year, my heart longs for Paris. The romance, the joie de vivre, the fashion, the culture and art, the music…

Springtime ignites my Parisian heart.

But, my heart always aches for the magical prowess and energy that can only be found in the City of Lights. There truly is nothing like it.

Many years ago, I returned to the United States after being acquainted with Paris for my very first time.  I was homesick for a country I had just met.  After moping around my house for weeks, I  made a conscious decision…

I would bring Paris home. Sure, it’s a place but, assuredly, Paris is a state of mind. (tweet it). 

If you find yourself, as I did, longing for a life of elegance, style, ease and joie de vivre, in your very busy life, follow these steps:

1.  Dress the Part:

Paris is known for its fashion and beauty. Being chic, stylish, and using your fashion sense as a form of self-expression makes clothing more than just a fashion choice, it is an art form.

Dressing your best– regardless if you’re going to the corner grocer or out for a night on the town with the ladies– means having excellent basics that will always be in style, looking effortless yet chic, and putting effort into the small things (think: shoes, handbag, and accessories).

2.  Go to your local coffee shop and savor a strong espresso or elegant tea:

Take part of your day to sit, relax, people watch, and savor the moment while enjoying a delicious drink. The Parisian way is to slow down and appreciate life as it passes, not running through it like you’re on a marathon.

Sit outside whenever possible.

3.  Commit to at least one leisurely meal a day:

Slow down and treat your glorious body to an elegant meal. Wine, baguettes, cheese, and fine conversation are all key components to embodying a French lifestyle.

Keep a blanket or tablecloth in the trunk of your car and sit in the park with your lunch instead of at the office. I promise it will taste better.

4.  Read novels (not self-help books):

Self-help books have their place (tucked deeply into your bookshelf) but Parisians relish their time with an excellent, enthralling novel– romance, thriller, or whatever may tickle your fancy.

You have plenty of time to learn about living and being with many real-world opportunities that will undoubtedly present themselves.

Take a time out to escape and indulge in a great classic, a stimulating magazine, or anything involving a beautiful story.

5.  Plant and enjoy flowers:

I know you’ve heard the expression “Stop and smell the roses.” Let’s take this one step further and plant your own. This way, you can have fresh flowers available to your senses everyday. Take it from the French, they love their gardens.

There truly is something so relaxing and beautiful about watching your own flowers grow.

6.  Get outside:

It’s springtime and the French are rarely found inside. Play and experience nature, read outside, sit and people watch in a cute cafe.

If you find yourself cooped up in the office, head outdoors for to enjoy your lunch.  The dose of Vitamin D will certainly boost your mood.

7.  Kiss:

When greeting friends, trade in the hugs and handshakes for faire la bise.  This is clearly a fundamental of living more French. Plus, it’s healthier; studies show that this greeting spreads less germs.

Grab your lover and kiss for more than one minute.  If you want to be le scandal, do it in public. Not only does it burn 25 calories, but it reduces stress and boosts your immunity.

If you want to French kiss life, you must kiss more!

8. Open your eyes. Be curious.

There is so much around you– every day and in every moment– to learn from and experience. Sure, you may have been there a million times and seen it countless, but try to see it with a new set of eyes like it’s your first time.

Take a trip around your hometown or where you are presently living with the type of excitement that you would experience Paris with.

9. Express, love, and delight in your femininity.

Margaret Thatcher once said: “Power is like being a lady… If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” Enjoy this power, my dear.

It’s following that hit of intuition, allowing life to flow, opening your soul to love, having childlike wonder, charming a room by being authentic and genuine.

And, if you desire to bring Paris to you, two words: beautiful lingerie.  There’s nothing quite like wrapping your body in lace and silk to get your femininity flowing.

10. Listen to French Music

Don’t know any? Don’t worry… I’ve got you covered.

Care to add to the list?  I’m always looking for Parisian inspiration.

Bisous et amour,

Tonya Leigh

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“And the secret garden bloomed and bloomed and every morning revealed new miracles.”

― Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden

As one of my lovely confidants was leaving our retreat in the breathtaking Sonoma Valley, she said to me:

“This Society is my secret garden.”

For many women, trying to find the time and space to explore the heart’s greatest desires and finding a space that expects nothing from them and wants everything for them is rare.

For the women in the French Kiss the World Society – extremely successful and smart- they have a place where they can escape the expectations, rules and the real world, and go to a place that allows them to dream, play and plan the next steps of their most exquisite lives, with Champagne in hand!

It’s a hidden gem in the dust of life.

I remember the first time that I heard about “secret gardens.” I was sitting at a small cafe along the Rue Cler in Paris.

My dear friend, Catherine, turned to me and asked: “Do you have un le jardin secret?”

“A what?” I asked, almost startled by the question.

 ”A secret garden… that only you know about.  The place where you keep your secret desires, dreams and (in a whisper) your dirty little secrets.”

This question made me Stop… Think…. Question…

I questioned how I had been raised.

I was challenged to find a space that allowed me to be transparent, share my true self with others, open my heart and let the world see my most precious inner treasures.

The challenge was to not only share these truths with myself, but with anyone who would listen.

Walking away from that little cafe, I had a mission: I would create my own secret garden.

Life as an open book can be hard.

Spilling your emotions to the man at the coffee shop, sharing the details of your life and business disputes on Facebook, confessing your most sacred dreams to the neighbor who may not want to hear them, exploiting your children by sharing their personal struggles and offering your life to anyone who will listen, has some risks.

Honestly, it’s like throwing your precious sacredness into the winds of life.

At it becomes scattered, it loses its magic.

But… going back to the basics, and French Kissing Life, you must learn the art of discretion.

Personally, I find the balance challenging between being out in the world and craving my privacy.  Every one is preaching transparency, and yet my heart tells me that you should save something for yourself.  How does Oprah do it?

For years, I’ve played around with an elegant approach to navigating the two, and it really comes down to creating sacred space for yourself.  It’s not necessary for you to tell everyone in the world your personal affairs or naughty little secrets (and, trust me, we all have them).

I have a rule for myself: I only share things that I’ve been through and have come out on the other side.  In other worlds, there must be a benefit for the recipient of my confession.  I value you way too much!

That’s why I have a secret garden, and I’d love for you to have one too!

When you feel the time is right, explore and carve out some special time to visit and care for your own le secret jardin.

I will even suggest some scintillating ideas:

Remember: The key word is secret.

Do these things without telling a soul (not even your significant other).

And– definitely– don’t tell the man at the coffee shop that it’s your secret hangout.

Creating your own cherished world that only you know about makes you a bit seductive, a puzzle to figure out, a woman of depth and intrigue.  You’re certain to have a glow that people will notice.

You’ll become a woman of mystery.  

When you casually cite Voltaire at the dinner table and someone asks: “How do you know that?”simply reply:

“Je ne sais pas!”

But, truthfully, you do know: It’s because you have le jardin secret!

I’d love to hear if you have a secret garden.  You don’t have to tell us where or what, but maybe a hint or two will inspire others to carve out their own.  Leave a comment here or head over to Facebook to join the discussion.

Like this article?  I’d be honored if you’d tweet it;)

With love,

Tonya

Photo Credits:  The lovely McCarson Jones at Red Scarf Shots

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